I was scheduled for an 18-minute TedX style talk on a recent Saturday. It could be on any topic of my choosing! I had this scheduled and on my calendar for about five weeks, which gave me ample time to prepare. As a rule of thumb, I figured the10:1 ratio would be good: 10 minutes of preparation for every minute of talk.
I had a ton of time to prepare.
I worked on and prepared my talk by creating a mind map and having conversations with individuals where I was able to talk about points that I wanted to address in the 18 minutes that I had. The one-on-one conversations went very well, making me feel calm and confident. The one-on-ones also allowed me to refine my talking points.
[quotes]I’m a huge fan of the KWINK process (Zero Based Thinking) – Knowing What I Now Know. What will I Start, Stop and Continue doing? [/quotes] This self-evaluation is a powerful and effective way to maximize your growth, turning Lemons in lemonade. If you could have been in my head the Friday prior to my talk you would understand why I’m bringing this up now.
I was thinking that I was all set and ready to deliver an impactful talk that would have several people take me up on my call to action offer. It would be a piece of cake, right? After all, I have effectively delivered many 3-day workshops as well as 30- and 60-minute talks with great results. Hell, I’ve even confidently and effectively handled hecklers in such a way that several of the other attendees have became clients because of my ability to handle the heckler.
However, on that fateful Friday I was thinking that I should cancel and not show up to present my 18-minute talk. [quotesright]I had a very convincing inner opponent - a real steel chainlink cage MMA fight to the death type - one that I hadn’t encountered in a long time. [/quotesright] I heard my nemesis say, “Fake an illness. Who are you to think you know what others want? Just don’t go. Don’t worry about the money you paid for the speaking spot – you can easily earn that back.”
I did my best to quiet that inner boogeyman and thought that I had until Saturday morning when it came at me with all guns a blazing. It gave me more reasons not to go: You don’t want to embarrass yourself. You can stay home and work on the other projects you have going.
It was an interesting 30-minute drive to the venue, just me and my lovely supportive inner opponent…not! It just wouldn’t shut up. Even when I arrived at the foyer and registered, my inner critic’s influence reared its head. I was asked by one of the other speakers how I was and I didn’t respond as my usual confident self-assured self; I mentioned to her that I was quite anxious.
[quotes]We were ushered into the events room; it was looking like I had no way out now. [/quotes] Once I was in the events room with the others – both speakers and attendees – I thought that maybe I was done with my inner critic, it had gotten quiet.
The event started with the first 90-minutes facilitated by the host walking us through some of her fabulous content, sharing her best practices for anyone that was looking to get on more platforms and convert at a higher rate. I was starting to feel more comfortable about presenting an 18-minute talk, so when the host asked if I was okay with speaking in the second spot. I was okay. Until, ahem, I heard the first talk.
Marcus who I had never met or heard before was up first and man, he was brilliant, great energy massive confidence and a powerful engaging story of his life as a male exotic dancer. He took us through a series of very colorful and vivid pictures with his story telling skills. For example, he started off telling us about the day his mom’s potential boyfriend showed up in a ’69 Candy Apple Red Camaro. [quotesright] Before the doorbell rang Marcus locked his three brothers in the back closet and told his mom to put more make up on, because this guy was a keeper. [/quotesright]
Turns out he was right and Marcus learned how to be a responsible man and leader. There was a turn in the economy that launched Marcus into the role of bread winner. The family lost their business and were on the verge of losing their home. Marcus had never seen his stepdad as low and depressed. There was only one thing that he could do: He had to get a job and contribute to the family’s wellbeing, so he did. [quotes]He started in the dance profession as an exotic dancer and that allowed him to pay off the debts of the family in less than 12 months.[/quotes] As a 21-year-old athletic male, he was able to develop into a headliner and live a life that turned into the lesson he wanted to share with the audience: Living a life with no boundaries and the negative impact that had on him.
He told us about the suicide attempt, the drugs, the steroids, and incredible amounts of money, and how they were examples of having no boundaries. It wasn’t until his failed attempt at high-speed suicide by Corvette that his boundaries showed up. He now speaks to groups and works with 12- and 13-year-old children to help them understand the need for core values and boundaries.
I share part of his story because it cranked my inner critic up again. It was working on overdrive to convince me to take a pass on my talk. [quotesright]I heard it say, Who the hell wants to hear your story? [quotesright] You didn’t attempt a high-speed suicide or make unconscionable amounts of money or travel everywhere in first class. Just get up, like you’re going to the men’s room but keep walking. No one will notice.
Fortunately, there wasn’t time to wander to the men’s room. I was on deck while Marcus spoke and once he was done, I was up. I did my talk. I presented my ideas, concepts, and my offer. I was able to be myself, delivering my message in my own style. I engaged the room in my way. I provoked a variety of emotions from Oh My Gawd to laughter and a few others in-between. As a matter of fact, when the feedback was solicited, I was the only speaker who had several people make positive comments about the impact of his message.
The Take-Aways
- KWINK, as I mentioned earlier, is a favorite tool of mine to use in many areas of my life’s journey. For instance, a recent 18-minute speech.
- What would I do differently, I would have checked the venue to see what resources were available: Do they have a projector, a flip chart with paper, and markers?
- Control my Self-talk by using a method I often use and teach with my clients: Leveraging my past successes. [quotesright]Focusing on the desired outcome more and quieting the inner critic. [/quotesright]
- What would I do the same? Continue keeping my word to myself and others; push through the challenges that pop up.
- What would I start doing? Visualizing the ideal outcome more often and with more emotional impact drawing form my past successes.
What other nuggets did I gain? My talk wasn’t recorded, so I was offered to deliver another talk. That talk was recorded, so I’ll have it to promote myself. I met other interesting people and I have several new connections. We’re already developing business relationships and joint venture opportunities.
Now that I have lived through this experience, I have several core stories and coaching topics that I can leverage to help my clients get the most from any work we do together. It will help them turn their crazy dreams into reality faster than they have believed possible. All of this has added to my Self-efficacy, my “Causative Power,” bringing new horizons into focus and aspirations that I had not yet dreamed of.
You only get better by playing a tougher opponent. I bested my inner critic and it has changed everything. What inward enemies are you fighting whose victory over will allow you to grow as a person?
